Torquay has been shook to its very foundations today with the announcement that New Look is probably going to close its high street store. This is a disaster. Where else are people going to buy their cheap clothes from in town? It’s not like there’s a Primark across the road or anyhing.
But as they say when something shit happens, every cloud has a silver lining. New Look’s departure means there will be a big shiny two storey space where a new business can move into.
With Torquay being the rumour and hysteria capital of the Universe, people have already started discussing who will replace New Look if they decide to up and leave. I have received a few messages from people suggesting different places.
This morning Sarah from Hele told me that she has a second cousin who’s next door neighbour used to go out with a girl who’s dad works for Louis Vuitton in London, and that they are 100% going to take over the building.
My mate Dean made £300 at Christmas by buying and selling bitcoin, so he certainly knows his stuff when it comes to finance. He was analysing the stock market this morning and noticed Gucci went down 4% in an hour, leading him to believe that it’s them who will take over.
But this is my show and my opinion is the only one that counts on TorquayOnline. Sadly, I think Louis Vuitton may struggle to do well down here. With one of the lowest average wages in the country, I can’t see £30,000 handbags selling out.
And Gucci would soon find out that people would rather spend £15 on a fake belt then the ridiculous prices they charge, even if it is made of authentic Guatemalan leather.
There is only one establishment that could come to Torquay Town’s rescue after losing one of its biggest high street stores, and it’s not a clothes shop.
If the title didn’t already give it away, I’m talking, of course, about Nandos.
For years and years and years, Torquinians have lamented having to travel 20 miles if they want to sample some chicken with spicy sauce. Thousands of us have had to endure the stress of going down Telegraph Hill and having to park our cars in Exeter just so we can have the same opportunity that most people take for granted.
If Torquay was a human being and were died tomorrow, the headstone would read “Never had a Nandos.”
Mr Nando, if you are reading this, now’s your chance to put things right. Now is your chance to save Torquay. Now is your chance to Make Torquay Great Again!